Some of you are living a chaotic existence; paying bills late, forgetting birthdays, neglecting relatives, all transparent symptoms of a disordered lifestyle. Relinquishing the control that you once had over these elements doesn’t happen overnight. It’s the eventual outcome of allowing your list of responsibilities to grow, whilst doing nothing to enhance your mind’s abilities to cope with that demand.
Everyone has responsibilities and they all require a certain amount of care, consideration and attention. However with so many plates to juggle, how can we possibly stay on top of them all?
First of all, you have to accept that you are not a robot. You are going to forget things, neglect relationships and put your needs before the needs of others. These are facts of life. Once we have accepted this, we can begin to find ways of maximising the amount of control we can have.
What would you think if I said I could significantly reduce your stress levels, just by getting you to write out a daily ‘to do list’?
I’d imagine something along the lines of:
“Check this joker. He reckons he can sort my life out by getting me to write a fucking list.”
Utilising lists will not directly impact the amount of responsibilities you have. However, clearing your mind of less important tasks can alleviate some of the pressures we place on ourselves. Gaining control over your responsibilities isn’t as simple as just remembering them. It’s being able to prioritise and manage your time effectively. Once your mind has been cleared of the inconsequentials, you can begin to home in on what has eluded you thus far.
So, how does this look in real life?
Instead of attempting to cram as much information into your brain as possible, and run around like a headless chicken trying to remember it all, we’re going to list what needs to be done in the order we need to do it.
Eg:
- Walk the dog
- Go food shopping
- Pick up dry cleaning
- Kids party @12
- Visit Grandma
- Clean the house
- Sort your tax return
- Iron clothes for the evening
- Pick up kids @5
- Bath the kids
- Get ready
- Go out with partner @8
This might seem simple. Why would you need a list to remember your plan for the day?
As a one off, this would make zero difference in how you cope with the pressures of life. However if you had to remember all of this whilst looking after the kids, working full time, holding down a romantic relationship and fielding calls from relatives insisting they’ve not ‘heard from you in a while’, I guarantee your tone would change.
This is the elephant in the room when trying to understand how you got to this stage. It’s not the amount of time that these inconsequential additions take up, it’s that the additions keep coming. This is why you constantly feel confused by your seemed lack of ability in distributing your time effectively. It’s not because you can’t cope with the tasks themselves, it’s because you can’t cope with the volume.
Imagine your responsibilities sit on a scale of pressure. To feel the gratification that comes with being in control, your scale must remain in balance. The more responsibilities you have, the more pressure you apply, the more imbalanced your scale becomes. Once your mind reaches capacity, it will be forced to remove anything it can to realign the scale (and you thought that being forgetful was a trait not a choice).
Side note: This is also the reason why people who have very few pressures in their life, have an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. They lack pressure, therefore lack control. The scale works both ways.
The satisfaction your mind craves is from control. To provide the best conditions for this concept to become reality, you must implement a manual removal of all unnecessary pressures. If something monotonous needs to be done, write it down. Remove the basics and allow yourself to prioritise and manage yourself in a way that provides you with that control.
If you don’t, your lifestyle will remain in anarchy.
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