Acceptance

Most believe that to accept is to surrender. 

I think that’s a load of shit.

When negative emotions weasel their way into our conscious, our initial reaction is to wish them away. Although this is a natural reaction, it is also thoughtless. 

I can tell what you’re thinking already… “You can’t decide how you react to something, it just happens.”

Well, that’s where you’re wrong.

In an article on his website, author Mark Manson discusses the problems that arise due to emotional reactions, and how to thwart them. Manson proposes that instead of attempting to control our emotions, we should seek to control the meaning behind the feeling.

He suggests that our feelings don’t necessarily mean anything on their own - they mean whatever we allow them to mean. Feelings are; self-contained, temporary and inaccurate, yet as a society we struggle to separate the significance from the emotion. 

Granted, this isn’t an ability we are born with, or taught with any degree of knowledge. However it is a crucial skill when trying to assess a feeling’s validity. Not only in our assessment of it’s affect on our mood, but in our decision on how to act.

The problem with understanding this, is that we believe our emotions to be everlasting. However, there are theories to suggest that human’s have a ‘baseline’ of happiness. Receiving positive information may cause a temporary spike of satisfaction, whilst negative information may cause a drop, but we will almost always return to our baseline.

Just because a negative emotion is present currently, does not always mean that it will be there forever. Accepting it’s existence - rather than frantically attempting to remove or ignore the issue - allows us to gather our thoughts before coming up with the best course of action.

This is where another societal misconception has developed. 

Most believe that acceptance is a sign of weakness. However, I believe the weakness they are referring to, is related to a lack of subsequent action.

Just because you have accepted a situation or feeling, does not mean that you have surrendered to it. It means you have accepted it’s existence. The action that you take to rectify, reassess or cope with the information presented, is what determines your level of emotional strength.

Take a decision by someone close to you, that may impact you in a negative sense. Just because you accept their decision as ‘right for them’, doesn’t mean that you can’t take self-benefitting action after the fact. 

Allowing an emotion’s existence is not the same as being passive or helpless.

Accepting an emotion’s presence provides a mentally shift, from “I should be strong enough deal with this fear” to “Oh look, I’m fearful of that happening”.

Understanding how your body reacts to these situations, can help you decide how to proceed. 

For example:

I can sometimes neglect social connectivity. I spend a lot of time with my thoughts, and often get lost in my own head. This eventually leads to feelings of anxiety, and physical symptoms such as; headaches and tremors. Having experienced this quite a lot in the past, I now know the cause and how to alleviate the symptoms. 

The only way to gain this understanding is through practise. Now that I’m aware of what these feelings mean, I am able to take positive steps toward their removal. 

This is a concept used in Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy know as ‘decentering’. Becoming aware and accepting these thoughts and emotions, without attaching or reacting to them. The process aims to aid individuals in detaching themselves from self-criticism, over-thinking and feeling of anxiety/depression.

Our current thoughts surrounding emotions, tend to drag these three pillars to the surface, leading us to treat them as constants that are out of our control. 

We feel, therefore we judge.

Perhaps once the concept of acceptance is brought to light through the teachings of CBT and MCBT, we can begin to think about our emotions in a completely different way.

We think, therefore we accept.