Disclaimer: Before I start, I’d like to make the purpose/intention of this and future posts clear. I am not in any way a mental health professional. Nor do I claim to be an expert in the area. There are millions of people who have fallen on much harder times than myself, and I am aware that the discoveries I have made, could be rendered almost useless by that fact. I wouldn’t say that these ruminations have a ‘target audience’, I’m just hoping that someone can find solace in the words that follow.
The past twelve months were definitely the toughest of my life. The four day window following my 26th birthday, turned my world upside down. Lonely attempts to gather broken pieces of my previous self became unthinkable. I was forced to reach out. That was my first step. My first step toward discovering who I am, and what I want. Since that first action was taken I have continued to learn something everyday, culminating in what you are about to read. I don’t know how helpful these may be for others, but I guess we’ll find out...
Everyone has some kind of routine right? I know I did. Some might call this a rut, which is exactly what I was in. I thought that happiness was being able to sink down into the couch at the earliest opportunity. Lazy, uninspired, lacking direction and overall miserable - without ever realising it. I had myself convinced, that I was happy to live this way for the rest of my life. The human mind is the world’s greatest illusionist.
A typical day:
6:00am - Drag myself out of bed and clamber into my work uniform.
6:30am - Drive with hundreds of other miserable commuters, hoping to arrive in time for work.
8:00am - Start work, in a job where I sought out as little human interaction as possible.
4:00pm - Haul arse home.
4:30-4:45pm - Arrive home and force a half-arsed clean of my house.
5:30pm - Shower, sit down and convince myself that a third takeaway in as many days would be a good idea (as long as I didn’t have to answer the door).
That was it. My life boiled down to 6 bullet points. I thought this was happiness - seriously. The one positive thing about my life, now that I can view it in the cold light of day, was that I had someone in it who cared about me, because I definitely didn’t care about myself.
So far, this wouldn’t be a glowing endorsement in terms of establishing a routine, would it? I’m merely letting you peek behind the curtain of where a routine without direction will take you. However, a routine with structure, goals, rewards and progression? I’m struggling to put into words how much of an effect it has had on my life.
I happened across the idea of finding something to focus on. Ever since I could remember, negative thoughts had plagued my conscious about my weight. Sometimes fleeting, other times lingering. I had almost come to accept their permanent tenure within my mindset, but the events that proceeded this sudden departure from normality (the details of which I will spare you for now) had taken me to a place that I had not frequented before.
My goal was set, time to assemble a structured process. I changed what I could, with the work portion of my day being the major obstacle. It wasn’t that I hated my job or where I worked, but continually found myself isolated. Struggling to keep my ever active mind from wondering. Financial constraints dictated that this wasn’t an optimal time for a change of employment and although the hours I spent at work began to feel like someone had hit the pause on my progress, I wasn’t about to let that stop me.
In an attempt to gain an understanding of something that had evaded me for 26 years, I devoted every spare second of my day to research. I wanted to maximise the amount of fat I could lose, in the least time possible. Yeah sure, I could’ve just paid some jumped-up, caffeine induced, part time fitness div from the gram to send me a meal plan and stick to it, but I wanted to take control (another thing we’ll speak about in later posts). I mean, who wants to be told what they can and can’t eat anyway?
So after learning the basics of nutrition and fitness, I began turning words on a screen into the foundation of my week. Meal prep Sundays, a 4 day gym routine and continued education, became the three pillars of my day-to-day existence. Some of you might think this is kind of sad, but I enjoyed it. It was occupying my time, I felt like I had gained a small amount of control over something that I had previously struggled with. When I look back now, committing to these habits was another step closer to gaining an understanding of who I was. I don’t mean, “Oh look, I like fitness and nutrition”. I mean how much I enjoyed learning, how much I craved control, how much I required structure to thrive.
Months went by, kgs dropped off and habits continued, until one day everyone seemed to notice all at once. I was inundated with; compliments, surprised looks, pats on the back and screams of ‘where’s the rest of you?’. I found it difficult to know what to say when people asked me how I’d done it. Do I simplify it? and say that I just stopped eating as much. Or do I tell them what I actually did?
Accomplishing what I had set out to do was the final outcome, but the changes that took place during the process allowed me to appreciate just how important establishing that routine was. It wasn’t just fat loss, I was altering my personality. I was becoming active, motivated and better educated. I wanted to talk to people again, not just because my mood had improved, but because my anxiety when subjected to social situations had lessened.
With my make up altered and my first goal complete, I set a new one. What it was isn’t important, but the principle is. If you’ve nothing to aim for you can never fail, and as I’ll explain in a later post, failure is the most important element of success. So, set your goals; big, little, long term, short term, it doesn’t matter - set them. I have changed, altered and adapted my routine so many times that it is barely recognisable. Some of my goals are now almost unachievable, but they don’t have to be. Improvement, that’s the aim. Self improvement allows you to become a better version of yourself, to overcome and adapt to ever changing circumstances. To be the version of yourself that YOU want to be, as often as possible.
Just to clarify, this isn’t me saying you should stick to a routine, no matter the circumstances, otherwise you’ll never truly be happy - far from it. I’m suggesting that if you make a conscious effort to implement positive habits that cater to your aspirations whenever possible, you will see improvements. No matter how little.
Those who attempt to implement this life lesson may develop some questions quite quickly. Is it meant to be this hard? Did you ever have a day that felt like you made next to no progress at all? How did you deal with the nagging feeling that you weren’t getting anywhere?
Although my previous words may have indicated a relative ease in the completion of this objective, I won’t sit here and pretend that it was smooth sailing during the process - that would be a lie. In fact, I spent a large majority of it down trodden and self critical.
Not only did I have days where I felt like I was making no progress, I even had days where I felt that I had regressed. Before my head hit the pillow every night, I spent a few moments critiquing my day. Cycling through every unit of measure one could conjure, before delivering the final verdict. Pass or fail. I believe this to be the point that separates the ones who could, from the ones who will. Dreaming up something that would be ‘nice to get one day’, may see you fall at the first hurdle, but deciding on an outcome that evokes feelings of desire and purpose will force you through those hurdles. This is not because you were ‘destined’ to reach your goal, it is because you HAD to reach your goal. Determination isn’t something that is gifted to a select few. It is a quality born from purpose and motive.
What’s yours?
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